AFIZZUL

2010-09-24T12:04:00.000+08:00

HEY ALL,

I'VE MOVED TO TUMBLR.

www.ahfeizhu.tumblr.com

2010-09-24T10:11:00.002+08:00

HSBC Interview was really demanding. OH WHAT THE HECK.

i want that job badly! SERIOUSLY! (:

I've been slacking for atleast a week at home now.

nth much interesting other than the fact that there's really nothing for me to do, sadly.

OH YES, JOSHUA SEE IS DAMN CUTE. HAHAHA.

okay, thats beside the point.

Maybe i shld just slack more and enjoy since army took like half of my life away right?

zomg, help me.

2010-09-22T00:24:00.001+08:00

omg. joshua see is so cute. seriously. HAHA.

2010-09-20T10:34:00.001+08:00

i had a really good dream.

when i woke up, i felt an intense pain on my cheeks.

because reality came and slapped me. :(

2010-09-19T22:14:00.000+08:00

"AND YET I CAN'T HAVE YOU."

2010-09-19T22:08:00.006+08:00

i dedicate this to all who has lost love.

been hurt.

been away.

like myself tonight; sadly.

You’re so cheap and this isn’t like you
I can’t get used to it now, It makes me dizzy, why
Who’s breaking up with who
You’re breaking up with me
Think it over before you say it, yeah

A guy that used to follow me around, a very decent guy
I let everything go for you alone
Who’s breaking up with who
You’re breaking up with me
Try living without me, yeah

Tonight of all times, why is it raining again
It makes me look so pitiful
Don’t try to console me
Move this hand, we’re strangers now

Don’t worry about me and go away
I’ll disappear, no strings attached
You thought I’d hang onto you
It’s disgusting, don’t misunderstand

I’ll meet someone so much better
I’ll make you regret it all
Sadness is only for now, boy
Cause love is over
Love, love is over tonight

Just say what you gotta say
How can you be uncool to the very end?
Fiancé? Beyonce
I’m walkin’ out of destiny
Not pitifully alone, but a glamorous solo
That’s my way
I gave it my all, so I don’t have regrets

Pretending like you’re more sad
Pretending you’re cool to the end
All you do is act a fool
You ain’t shi.t without your crew
I don’t have time, I gotta go
So long, good bye, adios
I don’t want to see your ugly face again no more

Tonight of all times, why is it raining again
It makes me look so pitiful
Don’t try to console me
Move this hand, we’re strangers now

Don’t worry about me and go away
I’ll disappear, no strings attached
You thought I’d hang onto you
It’s disgusting, don’t misunderstand

I’ll meet someone so much better
I’ll make you regret it all

Sadness is only for now, boy
Cause love is over
Love, love is over tonight

Go go away
Go away
Go away
Go away

Don’t worry about me and go away
I’ll disappear, no strings attached
You thought I’d hang onto you
It’s disgusting, don’t misunderstand

I’ll meet someone so much better
I’ll make you regret it all
Sadness is only for now, boy
Cause love is over
Love, love is over tonight

and i really need a break, i need work now! NOW NOW! :(

i lost faith in love.

can someone come and love me for who i am.

been alone for too long.

2010-09-19T17:00:00.001+08:00

the civilian world is so full of surprises.

and im caught in between.

wanted to work at either starhub or banking industries.

so yay to my HSBC interview this week! (:

i hope DBS is gonna call me soon!

2010-09-14T00:30:00.002+08:00

oh before i forget,

i wanna thank 3 buddies of mine.

they made my life easier.

and seriously, i have to thank them.

(: you guys are the best.

Cedric Tay - Ulysses.

YOU ARE LIKE THE FIRST BUDDY! still remember you asking me to be your toilet buddy in that kiddish tone. but we nvr once went to the toilet after lights out together! Seriously, thank you because you are my listening ears at night too. (: I hope i was a-not-so-bad buddy ah! WE HAD SO MUCH LAUGHTERS IN THE BUNK. Me singing womanizer. I miss those BMT days with you and the rest of the people. Cedric, thanks alot. You added fun on the very first journey of my life in the ARMY! (: thank you.

Ruben Toh - Command Sch / School of Infantry Specialist / Charlie Coy.

Hello buddy! Thanks for being there for me when i needed it. If i remember correctly, did you cry over something in SISPEC? for losing something? hmm.. I remember our Navigation days! omfg. we got lost and all of us were scared and stuff. SO FUNNY. nevertheless, i enjoyed myself. THANK YOU.

last but not least,

LUQMAN HAKIM - Military Police Specialist Course / SAF MP COMMAND

HELLO BUDDY! Thanks for everything. SERIOUSLY. Everything! haha. I remember you sending me to the hospital despite the fact that you have camp the next day. And my family problems and stuff. Thanks for being there for me! I really really appreciated it. We had so much fun in training school. Laughters everyday. And our Pre-Ord Trainings. ALOT OF TALK COCK SESSION. KL! (when are we going overseas again tgt?) I hope i hadnt been a real bitchy buddy that you hate. haha. (: OH WELLS. THANK YOU.

and hey,

i hope this doesnt end here for us and the friendship.

because i cherish and treasure this wholeheartedly (tho' i can be real bitchy sometimes).

thank you. thank you thank you.

this post is dedicated to you.

because my buddy is my man. always.

thanks and ORD oh!

kuddos and XOXO,

3SG(NS) AFIZZUL BIN MOHAMAD.

2010-09-13T14:00:00.002+08:00

hi all. this is my 400th Post on my blog since i started it.

and it will mark the end of my journey as an NSF.

the 400th post and ending of journey is totally coincidental ah. LOL.

i've been through so much.

and when i was the army, friends come and go.

i slept around here and there. HAHA.

been through numerous fieldcamps.

not want-ing to shit in fieldcamps.

dont want to eat fieldrations.

but the fact that i've learned so much.

made my 2yrs enjoyable.

to those who hate NS,

you have to serve no matter what.

going against it aint gonna help.

so go with the flow. (:

i see people ORD in a really happy mood.

while im just feeling the normal days moving ahead.

im certainly sure that i will miss my branch mates and stuff.

i'll miss my two men bunk for sure.

the last days of pre-ord training.

oh my.

bmt made me feel adapted.

command sch was hell.

mp command was my family.

i've this mix feelings.

but oh, what the heck, ORD OH.

Army made me realise myself.

My weakness and my strength.

AND I SAY AGAIN, I DIDNT REGRET BEING A SERGEANT.

maybe i would had a different feel if im an OFFICER.

but heck. whats done is done.

Just two years ago, i was fasting.

and i'm packing my bags.

AND SAY HELLO TO TEKONG.

haha. all seem so surreal now.

i wanna thank these people who endured with me.

and gave me strength and push me beyond my limits!

Basic Military Training

School Two - Ulysses Platoon 4 (Sept 2008)

Command School

School of Infantry Specialist

50th Basic Section Leader Course

Charlie Company

Military Police Command

Training School

Intelligence Security Branch

Logistic Branch

so last but not least, ORD OH.

With Pride I Lead

Pride, Discipline, Honour!

2010-09-11T13:13:00.001+08:00

what i want to happen that night didnt happen.

2010-09-08T11:23:00.001+08:00

"because im a willing party,

and let you be in me,

tomorrow."

2010-09-06T20:03:00.001+08:00

“To love somebody is not just a strong feeling - it is a decision, it is a judgement, it is a promise. If love were only a feeling, there would be no basis for the promise to love each other forever. A feeling comes and it may go. How can I judge that it will stay forever, when my act does not involve judgement and decision?”

2010-09-06T00:45:00.002+08:00

i feel happy everytime i see you.

learnt a lot today. tho' i know the disappointment i got.

hearing all those thing you did.

can i dont tell you i like you?

but i want you to know.

it feels good. the talk today.

been so long since i had that kind of talk.

maybe i shld have held you closer?

or you leaning against me?

bah. thoughtful.

VLEE was good on the second note. (:

2010-09-03T17:04:00.002+08:00

oh yes. i've won a pair of ticket to catch VLEE this SUN at ZIRCA.

thanks SEAN TAN.

on another happy note, 12days left to ORD.

i think ORD is a bigger event then HARI RAYA.

haha.

oh a lighter note, what shld i wear to catch VLEE. HAHA.

oh yes, i've gotten myself a new earphone! A-JAYS TWO.

and seriously, its damn good.

got it at COMEX. (: 15% OFF.

2010-09-02T10:31:00.001+08:00

sometimes its just wrong to walk away.

and i think i've fell for someone.

booms.

2010-08-23T14:12:00.002+08:00

my friend just whatsapp me.

"stop being so flirtatious."

and i replied,

"make me."

2010-08-21T11:20:00.002+08:00

im done with my wisdom tooth extractions.

god. 4 at a go is not funny at all. not funny. seriously.

the best part was the waiting time.

omg. SO LONG. i swear i nearly died waiting.

told me to come at 11am. and my surgery was like at nearly 2pm.

that 3 hours were seriously slow.

and my turn came,

the doctor was like. hello, you ready?

what PES? are you a chao keng warrior? i laughed hard.

he told me the first guy today was gay and messed up the timing. LOL.

i knew he was trying to let my heartbeat slow down.

and he asked what rank?

and by that time, he had placed oxygen on my nose.

and he told me, 3SG AFIZZUL, keep your eyes open.

and booms. im gone.

the next i know. it was alr 3 plus,

and i cant talk properly. i talk very gibberish.

and the best part, i when i talk, i tried to smile and the nurses find it amusing.

haha.

they kept trying to call my cousin.

and i asked them not to because she was working. god.

my mind was spinning and all i want to do was sleep.

they woke me up again at 4pm and asked if i could get changed.

HAHA. i told them awhile more and by then, i walked myself to the changing room and

i looked at myself. not so bad. but i was like a vampire. keep sucking blood.

and then, the pain invisibly hit on me. OMG. PAIN. haha.

i waited for my cousin to pick me up.

and once i got home.

I WAS GONE ON THE BED till 9plus.

feels good.

and i still cant talk properly. FML.

anyways, love me okay people.

sometimes, i really feel like im alone.

so sad.

2010-08-19T23:27:00.001+08:00

i think its karma on its way to hit me with a critical hit.

i've been alone for so long leh.

its high time someone came into the shop and take me off the shelf.

2010-08-19T17:39:00.002+08:00

hello humans.

tmr is THE day.

so i guess this is it.

you ain't coming.

guess its not meant to be.

just talked to chad over msn,

and he told me that this wisdom extraction will teach me smth,

physical pain is nth compared to emotional pain.

so it a lighter note, i lost love. will you find it for me?

pretty please.

2010-08-15T15:22:00.003+08:00

ever since i've gotten myself a queen sized bed,

i've gotten lazy. seriously.

read in bed.

just lazing on it with my iphone.

even took my laptop to it instead of using table.

its all about lying down.

skype, webcam and stuff. ALL IN THE BED.

haha.

other than now, gladys is like smsing me to go badminton on sunday.

oh yes, im sitting down on the chair and the laptop is now on the table.

damn. im fasting.

anyways, i learnt a few things here and there.

friends are not what they always seem.

but so far, i think i love most of my friends.

there are friends who i actually cant be bothered about tho.

oh i clubbed.

and of course, things have been different around here and there.

went home with jorgey porgy, louis lulu and levin.

dramas or not, i believe we decide it for ourselves.

if friends can overcome barriers after barriers tgt,

for example in a hot arguments, the friendship would actually flourish.

i actually wished that there are no lies in my life.

but we cant actually escape the inevitable right?

i mean, who are we to lie to ourselves that we had actually reached contentment?

and dying without regret? plain bullshit.

quote from jayson ong's facebook,

"Human change, people change.

But will you accept them for who they are if they changed?"

agreed much?

i believe we all make choices to make ourselves happy.

you would say its selfish and where is that sacrifice?

but you'll do the same in the end.

one tight slap across your face, you fucking human. :P

2010-08-12T22:12:00.001+08:00

oh well, the fasting month has started.

and im a tad nearer to my ORD date.

i feel normal.

is normal good?

its just a normal day lor.

so what if i ORD.

nth special what.

pig still pink.

birds still fly.

ya. you get me. dont you.

kthxbye.

2010-08-04T00:10:00.001+08:00

okay. gone to bintan.

i need a piece of mind.

oh yes, i'll miss you.

2010-08-02T23:23:00.002+08:00

We are the unfortunate
Led by the unworthy
To do the unnecessary
For the ungrateful

2010-08-02T15:18:00.003+08:00

you danced so well that night.

it made me feel alive when im with you.

that kinda attraction to feel you close to me.

i've not felt that for so long.

infatuation you may ask.

but if i dont take it, who would know right?

your body moved against mine.

i smiled. and i yearned for more.

sounds sexual? but rather the honesty im giving to you.

you, made. my. day.

im sure. thanks.

2010-07-31T21:35:00.000+08:00

kong yonglin, lennard.

you retarded ass.

why dont have FB!

2010-07-31T18:02:00.001+08:00

hello everybody!

this marks the end of PRE-ORD.

made new friends.

and its over.

i had fun. i had loads of laughers.

thanks.

last but not least,

ORD LOH!

2010-07-28T20:12:00.004+08:00

i smell civillisation in less than a mth's time. oh yes.

the feeling of it makes me happy. being carefree.

but on the actually fact i would miss everyone in my branch.

YES I WILL.

tho' i know im a really strict specialist. a push my discipline on top of everyone.

well, im a dominant creature. HAHA.

OH YES,

IM THE BEST SOLDIER FOR THE MONTH. (:

im now undergoing pre-ord.

my head of department just asked if i could extend my service.

if i get regular pay for 3 mths, i wont mind.

set aside my happiness on top of being the best soldier,

i noticed that im actually contented with the person i like.

like im willing to give my all and not look at other people.

oh how complicated right!?

sucks to be me.

on a second note,

im going for a short getaway.

something like to set my mind straight.

im kinda sad that seb cant join me tho.

oh seb, please fart all you can in bkk.

i'll go. (:

on a last note, please be there for me this 13 AUG.

thanks lehhhh, seb! (:

2010-07-06T23:13:00.003+08:00

the sensation is back again.

the point where im left all alone and there is no one else.

my friends have all deserted me.

im on an island alone.

i wanna run away.

this is too selfish.

maybe this is karma.

maybe.

i was nvr satisfied. never. why?

i have this hunger for more.

knowing i'll find a better one soon enough.

and i'll move on to another. and another.

and its a cycle that nvr ends.

oh bintan.

please help.

im seriously losing it.

kthxbye,

2010-06-16T10:50:00.002+08:00

let the rain fall down and wake my dreams,

let it wash away, my sanity.

i'll be running 21km again this year.

but the motivation for me to run, has disappeared.

afterall, i miss those nights when you hug me to sleep.

2010-06-16T02:42:00.002+08:00

things will never be the same again.

its either you let go or i let go.

because none of us are good with goodbyes.

all i have is lust.

either you get into my pants or i get into yours.

either way, we'll benefit only for a night.

the choice is yours.

2009-12-01T22:43:00.000+08:00

lets break up.

2009-11-28T21:49:00.003+08:00

i think my post getting pretty much boring.

i ought to take my blog to the next level.

because afterall, there are people reading this at this very moment.

like i've said before,

"Superficiality made us HUMAN."

2009-11-25T00:17:00.002+08:00

i swear i think of you everyday.

hoping that you would call me and tease me.

i dont know what i said that morning that pissed you off.

i've said sorry.

i dont wanna be like everyone else.

and tonight, i wanted to call you,

but i dont have the courage no longer.

2009-11-23T21:18:00.004+08:00

"Knowing that i like you and i cant have you."

2009-11-22T15:54:00.002+08:00

to someone:

you know how much i really like you.

honestly, love is pretty much selfish.

if i want to fight for my own happiness, i would;

to take you away from the other party.

you knew what's its like to stare at each other for a year.

the physical attraction, but both of us just stood there.

i wanted you so badly but you're attached. so where do i stand now?

i wanted you to happy always.

to see you smile.

to make sure you have your sleep always.

i dont wanna give you up.

but its killing me from inside.

everytime i want to ask you out, i'll think of the other party.

i dont like you being scolded or reprimanded.

maybe just a better life for you.

im happy to hear everything about you.

left right up down middle center.

it makes me feel that you trust me.

one of those times you said that i would be like everyone else,

to leave you.

but after today's call in the morning,

it seem like you want to make me like everyone else instead.

you knew what's right and what's wrong.

but i don't know why you keep doing it,

is it for the thrill? cheap thrills that will get you into trouble?

ask yourself whether you're contented or happy?

we humans tend to always go for a better one, but in the end, we end up being alone.

flaws are what that makes us humans.

sigh.

sometimes, i wanna laugh at my own stupidity.

because afterall, i still fell for you.

2009-11-15T22:12:00.002+08:00

omg. im like so lethargic. honestly.

my heart went through so many aches.

this weekend is my most hectic so far.

went out with jinyan. and we had a good laugh tgt.

thanks for being there girl. although im a happy boy now.

and we both know that one part of us hurt when it happen.

my heart was beating so fast and my mind raced.

thats what i felt when i read the message.

i got so restless.

when you called.

i smiled. and everything faded.

to spend the entire morning with you,

adventuring around was nice.

to me,

it was time well spent.

and of course, to tell you,

dont look down on HOW FAR I CAN WALK!

i had fun. thanks.

met ernest, jorge, august and garmeng.

slacked at junction 8.

off to town.

and back to ang mo kio.

and i did have the urge to see you again.

but i wanted you to SLEEP.

my small heart is smiling now.

though i know tmr im back to camp.

oh wells,

promise me you'll sleep enough.

and no more self pity! (:

2009-11-14T15:26:00.003+08:00

whatever it is.

as long as you're happy.

these few days have been,

a roller coaster ride for me.

and you were there to ride it with me too.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

faith.

you'll need it; so do i.

2009-11-14T00:15:00.003+08:00

i wanted to just die thinking of what to type.

its alr so embarrassing thinking about it.

can i stop thinking? i dont think so.

*pulls my hand from typing.

why is the attraction so strong?

why? why? why? why? why?

all the possibility of "if only" appeared right in-front of me.

can i say i regret keeping it to myself.

honestly.

my heart is pumping so fast right now.

and in the background, right here from brandy is playing adding to the atmosphere to

what im feeling.

there is so much to say.

but i dont know where to start.

i just feel happy.

like what i wanted to know.

thank you.

2009-11-13T16:23:00.002+08:00

i'll never forget this friday the 13.

my heart-ache so much.

its all laid on the table nicely for you to see.

and i took a step back.

and we both know why.

and, if only...

2009-11-03T21:18:00.002+08:00

i was damn right that people are just getting plastic

and everything else.

why use a mask when you know yourself damn right that you're

just plain superficial.

yeah. here we are again back to square one;

that concludes to a point, we are all humans.. AND!

superficiality is a fucking norm.

who doesnt wanna look good right?

do i see anyone putting up their hands? because,

im pretty sure i'll cut those hands off.

thats concludes where guys who take good care of themselves pretty well as gay, oh i mean, sissies.

pussies as some more man ppl would say. blah blah blah.

i dont give a single shit.

people who just need to step on my tail, will just,

made to suffer with something called mind fucked.

and well, if you wanna play that game,

i'll tell you one thing, you'll just lose.

yay! i love you readers! honestly, there is one out there who still reads this.

and checks on this everyday to see what i've updated.

*rings the police

"hello, uncle ah, i have a stalker.. urm, on my blog."

i'll laugh and hang up.

you're(most) seen the nice part of me.

you've not known how cunning i'll could get.

and i'll simply say you wouldn't want to know me in the first place.

if you still do till now then xoxo.

silly little boys, you can look but you cant touch.

i've been rathe rbusy with camp.

and i think NS is pretty fun after awhile.

and those who wanna chao keng should just die.

i love singapore.

if i've fallen in love with someone.

means that someone is smth.

because i can seriously differentiate between like / love / lust.

ooo.. the 3L. not 3P like britney's.

2009-10-29T19:35:00.001+08:00

i shant be selfish.

do what you want that makes you feel happy.

you disappoint people.

not me.

2009-10-22T22:00:00.003+08:00

never once i asked for someone pity.

and i dont need one from you either.

you may want things from me.

but what makes you think i'll return.

that part of what you have done lingers.

and i really think i'll could forget it.

but well, till now i cant.

because the impact is there.

we shall stick to status quo.

and what i've been doing,

what ever the reason.

i dont think i need to share.

because i'll prove something.

lust always beat love.

i dont think you deserve someone like me.

find someone better.

someone who would love you. more.

because thats what you'll need.

you've had your fun. (pun intended)

let me have mine.

2009-10-20T18:57:00.003+08:00

you know, i live my life for sex.

because love didnt exist. yay!

went to club and hooked up? checked.

when to sleep and some stranger's house? checked.

slept with one of your facebook friends? checked.

made someone cheat on the partner? checked. checked. checked.

slept with the other partner? checked too.

HAHA. see. i told you so.

2009-10-19T09:33:00.002+08:00

when i see you,

i felt a little awkward, why you may ask?

because my heart beats so fast

when you look me in the eye and smile.

we might just make it.

but i doubt so.

2009-10-05T21:57:00.002+08:00

do you have anything to say after listening to it?

i cant be with you as your boyfriend.

but that doesnt mean that i dont love you.

sigh.

why love has to hurt?

2009-10-04T23:31:00.002+08:00

i feel empty.

are you going to give me up?

2009-10-04T23:15:00.003+08:00

i know i've not updated my blog for ages.

something in me triggered today, surprisingly.

there are so many happenings this many months.
if i have to write about all those, it will take ages.

someone made me realised that i've played out hard.
and i ought to start thinking and i should start to love.

but love, has always crushed me down.
it hurts so much that i dont dare to love.
and i stopped believing in love.
since some kid left me in 2007.
and i took toll and played around till now.
and its getting nowhere at all.

i fell for someone deep on just the first night.
its just an attraction that i nvr felt so long.
and i keep denying it.
and deny.
and deny.
and deny.

and here i am now, writing, feeling numb.

because someone out there, make me wanna love again.

2009-07-07T11:24:00.002+08:00

i told myself that i beg to differ on how people woul actually chanced on this blog.
but the world has yet again made me realise that it has been a small world.

earth isnt that big and wonderful as the mass universe out there.
imagine my facebook actually includes people from the other unique world out there,
or even better, hell and heaven also can.

and they can mass communicate with me when im home so i dont have to miss them or pray.
because i can see them everyday right? how wonderful lor.

sigh. see. im alr starting to rant. and i dont know what i've been doing lately.

work took a toll on my body and im going to start to fast soon.
AND THE BEST PART IS ARMY HALF MARATHON IS 2 DAYS AFTER FASTING STARTS.
im quite excited on the fact that 21km is gonna be fun lor. YAY!
i know my body is conditioned alr. i feel good. i feel sexy actually. hehe.

i wanna take leave and go some places i can relax myself and enjoy.
i still have 14 days left leh.
ALOT NOT.
for this yr! i've not taken any leh.
WOOHOO.

oh! i managed to see ED and ANDREW at at last!
ED has left singapore for 7mths alr.
and i didnt even know. congratulations on your graduation on today from NUS! =D
and that ANDREW i nvr seen him for nearly a YR!
since his birthday his yr. SEE HOW MUCH ARMY TAKE YOUR TIME MAN.

honestly, i've nua the whole day at home yesterday.
and it felt good.
my energy is all back.

can start work with a good start.
and thursday i have live firing again. sigh. i find it stupid.
but but im not a bobo. HAHA. =D i passed okay!

and i met someone damn nice lately.
thanks for your time okay.
i know you know i know. =]

2009-06-25T19:28:00.002+08:00

i told myself whether its better to be a commander or men in the service.
god; i swear i knew i made the correct choice.

but look at where i am now. im suffering.
i work 7 days straight. like wth. i know this isnt going to work well for me.

why? because everyone work the same thing regardless of rank. wtf.
no one there respect my rank. EH! I WENT THROUGH HELL OKAY!

sigh. i got no one to talk to. im such a loser.

i thought i could be treated with respect because of my rank.
not say i wanna show off or whatever can, who am i to be compared with officers.
tho i did get my chance. boooo@afizzul lor.

i worked hard for my rank leh. ccb! :(

i feel like breaking down.
honestly.
and its not even the first mth into my job.
sigh.

MY WEEKENDS ARE BURNED.
i dont wanna to stray away from my family nor my friends.
GIVE IT BACK TO ME.

i think they are plain dumb!
how can working on sat and sun just claim for an off on tuesday!
i rather work my ass off on tuesday to get my weekends lor.
retards.

2009-06-20T17:56:00.002+08:00

i know i know.
i met up with my section mates again yesterday.

thank god my buddy picked me up at my camp.
his gf was there with him and im glad me and his gf get along well with each other, no awkwardness. she is a funy girl for sure.
we had sakae and john PS us! and wei jie was late.

mr tweety bird was as the same. honestly i think he gained HEIGHT. lol.

after that had drinks and off for home because
today working! sigh.

met up with louis boy too.
aww.. my dear boy. i wished i could take away the pain.
and let you be care-free. please take care ok.

2009-06-20T17:52:00.002+08:00

confused. lost. alone.

those were the feeling im having. work has been pretty terrible.
im so scared im not up to anybody's expectations.

i noticed that i always want to get a good impression of myself.
the setback is bad.

honestly. i suck. not literally tho. knn!
im so sensitive. how ah!

i wanna just go off to the next paradise.
i wanna forget everything about you.

i dont want your first kiss.
bye.

2009-06-14T22:41:00.002+08:00

haha. me and buddy were like so late to meet up with my section mates.
thought driving could be so much faster. =D
were late for like nearly an hour, the rest had ordered and ate.

SO SORRY!

chatted and crapped till 4 plus, before leaving swensons.
and we headed to geylang for DURIANS.

fun stuff. anyways, pics on facebook la.
and went to kallang leisure park after that.
wanted to bowl, but the waiting list was there and we needed to wait for an hr.
sigh. in the end we forgo and headed for dinner at selegie road.
honestly, the chicken rice rocks!

after that buddy drove abner home and send me home right after that.
=D

fun day today; tmr work my ass off with i think 10km run in the morning.
sigh.

i need to hug someone or rather someone hugging me too.
will you be the one? i doubt so.

2009-06-14T12:59:00.001+08:00

oh. off to meet my ~~sextion~~ section mates in town.
my buddy is driving. and im hitching that ride.

pick me up now pls.
im hungry! =D

what to eat!
what to eat!
=D

oh louis boy, im always there for you.
and take me as a social ladder.
because the consequences is dire.

2009-06-14T12:37:00.002+08:00

yesterday marks the end of my partay life.
no more.
no more.
no more.

i find it degrading.
i wanna exit the scene.

have a better life.

so yeah, this would be a major change i suppose.
but what to do.
i dont want to have anything to remember about people there.
people i actually made out with.

its so superficial for me.
i wanna packup and leave.

if you wanna catch me,
run.

oh ya, you can really stand there and wave,
because at that moment,
i cant be bothered alr.

a person lost isnt really the other's person gain.

i'll start walking away now.
and you, take care care.
because you might be the one im gonna avoid.

2009-06-07T22:02:00.001+08:00

what is it about clubbing that makes the other feel insecure?

alcohol?
making out?

i dont know.
but for sure, i dont like that feeling.

2009-06-06T10:00:00.003+08:00

how could everything derive to sex?
how could sex equal to my love to you?

and i always tell myself, how could i bring myself to have sex with my ex.

those were the times where i subdue myself.

if you ask me again. i would gladly do it everyday with you.
but whats the point right?

you'll nvr find this blog again.

2009-06-06T07:21:00.000+08:00

things will never be the same again i suppose.
because afizzul slept the whole of friday!

tho' he left work at 3pm.
bed was the best reward for me.

=D

2009-06-04T19:03:00.003+08:00

i dedicate this post to my dear "best"friend of mine; mr louis lye.

i suppose we didnt really end on a good note.
we went though so much.

i've known you since sec3.
i still remember how we actually became friends.
you called me after school; you told me you needed help in chemistry.
and i just asked whether you got the right number because
we were hi-bye friend back in school.

and yet, we did meet up and went to harbourfront to study at the macs.
and i forgot why we went there to study too.
oh boy! i did rmb that my blood were boiling while teaching you.

but little did i know thats the start of a friendship that i cherished alot.

you open up to me.
and so did i.

we went through so many obstacles in life
and that does include us walking from newton back to upper bukit timah.
why? because we ate at newton and missed the last bus.
and walked home, why? because we got no money to get us back!

when we argued, it took us like 4mths to cool off our heads. or maybe more.
and yes, i agree you are always great.
always better than me in sports and studies.
and we always compare.

you changed a lil when A entered your life.
you lied to me.
again and again.

i kept quiet tho i knew the truth.
but its because i still thought you would tell me the truth one day.
but you didnt.

i remembered those days back in sec sch.
we went to sch together.
doing everything together.
staying over at your place! (my first stayover!)
studying our asses off for O's.
you thought me maths!
and i thought you chem and physics!
THOSE WERE THE DAYS MAN!

we went through relationship problems.
coming over my house crying.
i did whatever i can as a friend.

and you know, im always there for you.

yet.

im disappointed when i got wasted.
you neglect me.
you told addy that i forgot all about you.
because i have new friends.

but you neglect me because of E.
all the way.
because E hates me.
and i gave in.
why? because i wanted you to be happy.
little thoughts you have for me.

whatever it is louis, you are cherished by me.
thanks for all the fun times together!

happy 22nd birthday. (:
we shall catch up on life.
because i miss you.

2009-06-03T23:59:00.000+08:00

deon; i miss you so much.

2009-06-03T23:05:00.004+08:00

the difference in life seems little now.
but when i look away, everything behind changed.

anyways, fuck those comments.
comments not entertained and taken out.

i saw you.
my heart raced.

what the hell was i thinking.
you're too sexy for my love.

even tho i told you sex with you was lousy.
and i wanted to take those words back.
how pathetic am i now.

and yet, you sit back and slowly revenging on me;
my heart ached when i saw you.

2009-05-08T19:10:00.001+08:00

hello earthings. i know i've not been updating my dear blog.
i've wanna take it to a new level.

i've changed the link.
i've taken the tagboard away.

only comments are accepted now.

i just wanna drift away for now.
the afizzul you used to know; changed.

2009-03-01T19:48:00.000+08:00

would you be there to catch me when i fall?

2009-02-21T11:49:00.002+08:00

sometimes a want would now be request.

but the fact that i remember clearly was to see you everyday,

became a norm.

and look at us now.

2009-02-21T04:38:00.002+08:00

vodka lime;

vodka orange;

vodka redbull;

vodka strawberry;

whiskey dry!

thats all. and it equals to what state i am now.

head is spinning.

thanks shannon for driving me home.

happy birthday baby!

amanda will always be my love.

and not forgetting,

happy birthday SIS!

JOANNA ZHOU! =]

2009-02-15T22:46:00.005+08:00

hey fellow readers, guilty guilty guilty me.

updates yeah! i know i know. SLOW me. damn SLOW me. fucking SLOW me.

i've been real busy with certain stuffs in my life. not to say its damn happening.

but nevertheless, its been good so far.

i've finally turned 21.

thanks to all my friends who wished me. really appreciated it.

especially my dear secondary school mates who spammed me with SMS-es. thanks eh.

yeah, i'll stay gay always. XOXO. =]

me dear jorge, jiawei, august, benji, garry, jonathan, ernest, adam and to everyone who

wished me on facebook and friendster.

YAY! HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY to me! =]

p/s: i drank! k. shhhhh.

and and and,

i've finally completed and graduated from
School of Infantry Specialist ( SISPEC ),

50th Basic Section Leaders' Course ( 50th BSLC )

and im out of SISPEC alr. =]

posted out lor.

yeah that sexy sexy sexy me.

with pride i lead.

2009-01-26T12:44:00.002+08:00

obviously, i want to wish all my chinese friends / readers , a great chinese new year!

smiles to all of you! =]

well wishes from me to all of you.

and im kinda bored at home.

cant go anywhere because everywhere also closed.

damn sian. so here i am at home la.

and i slept like at 11pm yesterday.

i got nth else to do. everyone's out anyway.

wanted to watch fireworks at chinatown.

but squeezing around would end up disastrous.

since im already bored.

im gonna bore you guys with more boredome alright?

im gonna like fill you people about my army life so far!

how about that! (get your popcorn ready!)

on a second thought.

im lazy to say much la.

i've climbed the rank ladder fast.

i was like the LPS ( Leader Platoon Sergeant ) for 5 days. - before field camp.

and was the LSC ( Leader Section Commander ) for 2 days - during grandslam ( 2nd field camp )

and was promoted to LPS again. for a day and a half.

and promoted to LSM ( Leader Sergeant Major ) before booking out.

how can i not feel everyone breathing at my neck now that im the company in-charge?

i cant take the stress on more.

i thought i can take up the challenge.

but now i rather take a step back and slow down.

i want to relax. and not have ppl tie-ing me down to the floor.

everything seem different.

i cant read you no longer.

you seem distant.

i wished everything was the way it was.

i've cleared HEROES SEASON 3.

went for some retail therapy.

made me smile a little.

i laughed a little.

though everytime i wanted to see you.

things just didnt go my way.

im about to just give up.

and vanished myself into thin air.

memories just linger. up there.

i was never a player in love.

and never will.

not even once.

2009-01-23T20:57:00.002+08:00

yeah. im done with all my field camps.

and its been damn shagging. and im going to have a break till tuesday la.

everyone smile for afizzul please. =]

i deserve this rest. i really deserve it. and the lastest news would be,

I MIGHT BE CROSSING

OVER TO OCS TO BE

AN OFFICER.

another big smile maybe. doubts.

2009-01-18T18:40:00.001+08:00

i need a good snuggle and make myself comfortable. just like always.

2009-01-18T07:06:00.002+08:00

yoohoo. =]

im back from the first field camp.

damn shagged.

and the best of all, the confinement given to me because....

i didnt ensure the rubbish was cleared before moving to the field camp. CB!

and why the fuck i got confined? because i was the Platoon Sergeant.

the person who runs the platoon.

fuck la. im home alr. did alot of work in camp. clean here and there.

washed all my uniform and everything using the washing machine! thank god.

i would have died. SERIOUSLY in CAPS. haha.

and my dear ipod nano died on me. and i was fucking bored.

and here's another piece of good news, my next fieldcamp is this tuesday!

god is really blessing me! (*sarcasm)

a change takes sometime, but an action takes seconds.

2009-01-11T12:37:00.000+08:00

if i said i didnt miss you, i lied badly.

2009-01-11T10:57:00.003+08:00

i never took notice of this song till now.

Rihanna - Rehab

Baby, baby

When we first met

I never felt something so strong

You were like my lover

And my best friend

All wrapped into one

With a ribbon on it

And all of a sudden

You went, left

I didn't know how to follow

It's like a shot

That spun me around

And now my heart left

I feel so empty and hollow

And I'll never give myself to another

The way I gave it to you

Don't even recognize

The ways you hurt me

Do you?

It's gonna take a miracle to bring me back

And you're the one to blame

And now I feel like, oh

You're the reason

Why I'm thinking

I don't wanna smoke on

These cigarettes no more

I guess that's what I get

For wishful thinking

I should've never let you enter my door

Next time you wanna go on and leave

I should just let you go on and do it

Cause now I'm using like I believe

It's like I checked into rehab and

Baby, you're my disease

It's like I checked into rehab and

Baby, you're my disease

I gotta check into rehab

'Cause baby you're my disease

I gotta check into rehab

'Cause baby you're my disease

Damn,

Ain't it crazy when you're love swept?

You'll do anything for the one you love

'Cause anytime that you needed me

I'd be there

It's like you were my favorite drug

The only problem is

That you was using me

In a different way that I was using you

But now that I know, it's not meant to be

You gotta go, I gotta win myself off of you

And I'll never give myself to another

The way I gave it to you

Don't even recognize

The ways you hurt me

Do you?

It's gonna take a miracle to bring me back

And you're the one to blame

And now I feel like, oh

You're the reason

Why I'm thinking

I don't wanna smoke on

These cigarettes no more

I guess that's what I get

For wishful thinking

I should've never let you enter my door

Next time you wanna go on and leave

I should just let you go on and do it

Cause now I'm using like I believe

It's like I checked into rehab and

Baby, you're my disease

It's like I checked into rehab and

Baby, you're my disease

I gotta check into rehab

'Cause baby you're my disease

I gotta check into rehab

'Cause baby you're my disease

You're the reason

Why I'm thinking

I don't wanna smoke on

These cigarettes no more

I guess that's what I get

For wishful thinking

I should've never let you enter my door

Next time you wanna go on and leave

I should just let you go on and do it

Cause now I'm using I believe

It's like I checked into rehab and

Baby, you're my disease

It's like I checked into rehab and

Baby, you're my disease

I gotta check into rehab

'Cause baby you're my disease

I gotta check into rehab

'Cause baby you're my disease

2009-01-11T03:58:00.002+08:00

i didnt notice so much.

time really flied passed.

and the fact that it has been near to 2 weeks since new year.

i let everything go.

whatever i held close to my heart.

learning to let go was difficult but i need to learn right.

someone told me when you love/like someone too much,

the only way is to hate the person.

i used to hate due to something but the point that i rather not hate the person is another.

the point that the person is important.

how important can a person get other than your family members right?

what if i said equivalent?

the fact that im taking a step back,

because i dont even know what im doing.

and i cant read your next move.

talking about hate, i dislike this bastard.

because i dislike him for what he's done.

and act as if nothing happened.

NABEI. condemned by me. isnt that good afterall huh?

2009-01-10T15:40:00.003+08:00

5 days in camp without booking out = lethargicness.

and of course not thinking of some other stuff.

thus, to be honest, im tired.

i've not been having enough rest like totally.

been sleeping at 1am each day and waking up at 5am.

falling in and doing 10 over different exercises plus a 3km run every morning.

sounds good doesnt it.

and because of this disorder to my body, i flunked IPPT.

but my 2.4km timing improved to 9.12 mins. =]

damn happy.

field camp next week.

grandslam next next week.

that equals to suicidal. SERIOUSLY.

but for the 3SG rank, i'll try to endure with pride.

i hope you're doing fine.

after that night and what happened, i hope nothing changed.

nothing changed till something said right?

2009-01-03T12:03:00.001+08:00

i've never been this true to anyone before,

the fact that i thought i will be able to see you again.

2009-01-01T20:51:00.002+08:00

im neither here nor there.

thou' im being true to myself.

smile. because i still do.

2009-01-01T17:20:00.004+08:00

this post is dedicated to all my friends in my life.

whether they have made a difference in my life or not.

they are the special people for me and always be.

for my ups and downs.

for my sadness and my laughters.

i take this opportunity to thank you.

jiawei, jorge, frankie, garry, andrew, leo, august, jolene, melisa, louis lye, louis sim, stely, jarrod, ernest, marcus, adam, messiah, xiaowei and kingone.

i made new friends in 2008 and i do hope in 2009,

things will never change among us.

my section mates in ulysses.

my platoon mates in ulysses.

and my company mates in ulysses.

thou' i really miss my sec school friends, i do miss my poly friends too.

this year didnt end on a good note for me.

thanks to jolene, she came all the way down to just spend the last few minutes of

the new year's eve with me. thanks girl.

and i met up with melisa. thanks to you too.

im tired of playing the hot and cold.

im really tired.

i hope 2009 would be a great year.

though i feel somehow insignificant now.

im in pieces now. the stars would guide me for now.

booking in later.

and booking out on friday night.

for now, i wish you readers happy new year! =]

and to you, all the best.

2008-12-31T17:12:00.003+08:00

WAS IT A MERE COINCIDENCE?

falling apart wasnt part of the plan. was it?

2008-12-31T14:53:00.002+08:00

woohoo. this would be my last entry for this year.

this year has been a memorable one.

new friends found.

and this is the year i enlist.

two more years to go. =/

HAHAHA.

clubbed alot this year.

i've been fitter.

i've been sexier.

i've been hotter.

i've been hornier. ( k. you SO didnt need to know that )

basically, i had a great yr.

UPS and DOWNS.

THICK and THIN.

UP and DOWN.

LEFT and RIGHT.

NORTH and SOUTH.

EAST and WEST.

HOT and SEXY.

NAUGHTY and KINKY.

SEX and FUCK.

k enough. enough.

you shld get the mental idea la.

and i wish all my readers,

a happy new year.

p/s: i'll update again like in 7 hours. haha.

2008-12-28T21:00:00.001+08:00

i missed you.

and im booking in.

2008-12-28T19:39:00.002+08:00

2nd week in SISPEC is gonna start.

and i can feel the pain through me alr.

NO NEED TO ASK ME TO CLUB.

because i wont go.

wonder why? just ask me.

contented? yes.

annoyed? yes.

stressed-up? yes.

i have alot of mixed feelings in camp.

so many things to think of!

SOC, IPPT, TESTS, FIELD CAMP, LIVE FIRING.

when im out.

i only think of one thing.

and always looking forward to it.

i so need to believe i can do this.

a leader leads by example.

really alot of thanks to those who talks to me when

im in camp and everything. really appreciate it.

went over to hazel park condo to meet gladys.

talked and had family lunch.

shopped and cabbed home.

the sian feeling filled in.

the thought of booking in.

fucked-up.

and the thought of tmr's IPPT was worst.

a hug would have been great now.

xoxo.

2008-12-28T01:24:00.002+08:00

a week has passed by.

and SISPEC has eaten an inch of my life.

and thus, before i continue,

this is an announcement to all my fellow Ulysses Platoon 4.

JJ Hong of section 3 have been pronounced brain dead.

and will be cremated on 28/12/08 @ 11am.

for those who have not attended the wake, pls do.

if you need the address, sms me.

he met with an unfortunate accident.

and im cursing and swearing to those motherfucker drunkards who drives.

an innocent life has been lost and thus your life is lived with guilt.

memories of JJ will always live deeply in my heart.

the good times and the bad.

rest in peace.

im utterly stressed over the fact that im actually unfit for SISPEC.

and im posted there. because the fact that i passed my IPPT due to pull-ups

which are not standard.

my SOC is another fucking problem. GOD.

how to be leader?

im fucking stressed and depressed.

at night cant really sleep. feel like crying.

I SO FEEL LIKE SHOUTING.

lessons and lectures have been fun so far.

and i really have to agree that Strength Training was fun too.

laugh and do physical training.

so much fun than getting punished la.

someone would ask how i spend my christmas?

i played this card game called citadels at jorge's hse which was damn fun. and tiring.

a game would last us up to an hour and a half.

yeah! that bad.

i knocked out after the second game which was like 6am on christmas morning.

slept over till 5plus in the afternoon.

went out today to meet grandma and cousin.

went to eat.

and shopped.

bought my undergarments! =] ( yeah! happy boy! )

bought two polo tees.

and im so tempted to get ben sherman's polo tee too.

shopped at carrefour too.

met jorge and jonathan.

ate supper.

and now im home blogging.

and im rather bored.

and im not looking forward to book in either.

my army life is in a mess, seriously.

nothing else matter no more.

can i have the last dance with you? please.

2008-12-24T21:27:00.002+08:00

hey readers.

some of people may not have known that,

i've been posted to SISPEC.

and yes, im in CHARLIE.

im damn stressed up and of course scared.

cant sleep well at night and everything.

suddenly, i found myself not mentally prepared to be where i am.

just because of this, im having a hard time.

and im no longer a PTE (Private) AFIZZUL.

i've jumped to SCT ( Specialist Cadet Trainee ).

god. i hope things get easier for me.

i pray that i get through my SOC too.

i dont really fear my IPPT anymore.

im kinda numb.

my heart beats so fast.

i can have fever.

thanks to those who gave me support so far.

wishing all merry christmas and a happy holiday!

happy birthday to my dearest brother, Zulhimi. =]

2008-12-16T13:38:00.006+08:00

i'm tempting, yet there's a single tingle of forbidden lust.

why am i tempted too?

and i really want it.

for fun and nothing serious.

im starting to be a bastard.

my new year resolution should really be,

stop sleeping around.

k. which ~~bastard~~ person would actually believe that right?

2008-12-16T02:17:00.003+08:00

i was told to take that chance.

and i did.

after thinking and thinking.

my friend told you.

and i dont even know how you felt about me.

now that things are somewhere messed up.

because im neither here nor there.

im so embarrassed about what has happened.

having sleepless nights in camp.

talking to my bff in camp.

now you've missed it.

and all i could do was wave goodbye.

once bitten, twice shy.

2008-12-16T00:02:00.003+08:00

was suppose to meet benji after he had lunch with his grams.

movie was initiated.

and so if i watched twilight, it would be with him and his cousin.

and i know i gonna feel wierd so, we caught,

THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL.

god. the show damn funny. but the ending sadly sucked.

off to paragon where he bought his new shoes.

tho' seriously the other color was damn nice.

size 11 is like a limited edition size.

walked to PS while listening to his mp3.

and god! his songs rocks.

you know what i want, so give it to me, XOXO pls!

headed home.

and im feeling pretty hungry.

and jorge is chasing me to go eat.

which im going to do now.

XOXO, toodles.

2008-12-15T13:58:00.003+08:00

yeah that sexy sexy sexy.

hanged out with benji and dezhang yesterday at spinelli.

and seriously, the chocolate drink there was nice.

thanks to benji for the recommendation.

i feel so broke for now.

god.

i spent so much just over the few days.

and i got cravings for waffles again.

haha. peanut plus kaya rocks the world.

tho' i know im gonna get like diabetes for eating that too often.

knn! i bet you ppl are cursing me now.

this 2 weeks temporary civilian life has been hectic and

sometimes boring.

come to date, i've only watched bolt, which i find,

boring, tho' the character were damn cute. funny.

and for once i feel like im myself.

come and get me.

especially you.

2008-12-14T16:10:00.001+08:00

enjoy. damn funny. i know very long ago.

2008-12-14T15:27:00.002+08:00

hello fellow readers.

been crazy few days before.

chalet/shopping/catching up/clubbing.

the best part is the time is catching up with me fast.

im tired before 1am.

i feel lethargic.

and my posting witll be up soon.

so crazy.

my next phase of NS life is gonna start soon.

DAMN BORING CAN!

ohh, money is flowing out of my wallet like water fall.

damn sian. and really the stupid NS pay can nvr be enough.

im protecting this country with this amount?

god. i rather be a cleaner at the hawker centre.

i can earn more lor!

so many things still on my to-buy list.

die la.

and now, im alr feeling lethargic.

wtf.

its a sunday!

and its like so cold and drizzling.

im in my room. infront of the lappy.

and listening to hui you na me yi tian by lin jun jie.

suddenly so emo right?

funny me.

god. i so need to find something to do.

like fuck someone right? =]

2008-12-14T01:35:00.003+08:00

There's only two types of people in the world

The ones that entertain, and the ones that observe

Well baby, I'm a put-on-a-show kind of girl

Don't like the backseat

Gotta be first

(Oh..)

I'm like the ringleader, I call the shots (Call the shots)

I'm like a firecracker, I make it hot

When I put on a show...

[Pre-Chorus]

I feel the adrenaline moving through my veins

Spotlight on me and I'm ready to break

I'm like a performer, the dancefloor is my stage

Better be ready, hope that you feel the same

[Chorus]

All eyes on me, in the center of the ring

(Just like a Circus) (Uh. Uh.Uh-huh)

When I crack that whip, everybody gonna trip

(Just like a Circus) (Uh. Uh. Uh-huh)

Don't stand there watching me, follow me, show me what you can do

Everybody let go, we can make a dancefloor

(Just like a Circus) (Uh. Uh. Uh-huh)

HA. HA. HA. HA. HA. HA. HA.

[Verse 2]

There's only two types of guys out there

Ones that can hang with me, and ones that are scared

So baby, I hope that you, came prepared

I run a tight ship, so beware

I'm like the ringleader, I call the shots (Call the shots)

I'm like a firecracker, I make it hot

When I put on a show...

[Pre-Chorus]

I feel the adrenaline moving through my veins

Spotlight on me and I'm ready to break

I'm like a performer, the dancefloor is my stage

Better be ready, hope that you feel the same

[Chorus]

All eyes on me, in the center of the ring

(Just like a Circus) (Uh. Uh. Uh-huh)

When I crack that whip, everybody gonna trip

(Just like a Circus) (Uh. Uh. Uh-huh)

Don't stand there watching me, follow me, show me what you can do

Everybody let go, we can make a dancefloor

(Just like a Circus) (Uh. Uh. Uh-huh)

HA. HA. HA. HA. HA. HA. HA. (Let's go)

[Break]

(Uh. Uh. Uh-huh) Let me see what you can do

(Uh. Uh. Uh-huh) I'm runnin' this

(Like-like-like a circus) Yeah

Like a what? (Like-like-like a circus)

[Chorus]

All eyes on me, in the center of the ring

(Just like a Circus) (Uh. Uh. Uh-huh)

When I crack that whip, everybody gonna trip

(Just like a Circus) (Uh. Uh. Uh-huh)

Don't stand there watching me, follow me, show me what you can do

Everybody let go, we can make a dancefloor

(Just like a Circus) (Uh. Uh. Uh-huh)

All eyes on me, in the center of the ring

(Just like a Circus) (Uh. Uh. Uh-huh)

When I crack that whip, everybody gonna trip

(Just like a Circus) (Uh. Uh. Uh-huh)

Don't stand there watching me, follow me, show me what you can do

Everybody let go, we can make a dancefloor

(Just like a Circus) (Uh. Uh. Uh-huh )

2008-12-10T15:09:00.003+08:00

i told myself not to fall.

i told myself to stand.

even with my sprained ankle and a dislocated knee,

i ran.

i dont need your pathetic pity nor your attention.

you make me sound like im a spoilt brat.

like a primary school kid who needs attention.

all i know is i still cared.

whether im in town or not.

and i fucking have grown fatter.

your perspective differ.

so does mine.

and it does take two hands to clap.

things arent going to well for me.

and i hope yours is getting better.

ranting would be the word i would use.

but the actual fact would be i need to say or write it down somewhere.

angst mustnt be part of what im feeling now.

because it will just make matter worst.

whatever is broken can be mend.

but whether it looks the same, i beg to differ.

it might be my fucking mistake.

but i hope you'll understand someday.

nothing matters to me no more.

for all i care, i live my life for myself and not for others.

i mean it when i smile always.

if forgive and forget really works,

i would have a piece of mind and be a lonely person.

the thought of feeling contented,

was the day i knew i had you by my side.

someone told me, listen to your fucking heart sometimes,

rather than your puny little brain.

and not let others judge for you.

because once its missing, you cant find it easily.

Friendship often ends in Love; but Love in Friendship - never.

2008-12-10T10:19:00.002+08:00

24km graduation route march was rather an easy one.

surprisingly, it was over before i knew it.

blisters and abrasions are the after effect.

i never felt so happy! =]

thanks to all the well wishes.

im not longer a recruit!

IM A PRIVATE NOW!

no more REC AFIZZUL!

its PTE AFIZZUL now! =]

had dinner with family at changi village.

taxi-ed home and my legs are killing me.

i want to see you badly.

2008-12-07T22:04:00.002+08:00

fuck it la, commitments sucks.

im not a good boyfriend material.

what makes you think im faithful?

for all you know, im innocent and afizzul being afizzul.

2008-12-07T21:47:00.002+08:00

time passed.

i've lost trust in myself and maybe people around me.

this bookout might be the most boring ever.

my parents are away till i POP.

im not ready for my 24km graduation route march.

all i could do is to think of the joy i would share with

my family and no one else.

god. i need to be blessed.

william had fever when he got to my hse yesterday.

didnt shower and i shoo-ed him to bed.

i had my breakfast (thanks to william because he made me wait for him)

which was macs.

it nvr tasted so good.

atleast one of my cravings is cleared.

william woke up at 2.45pm finally.

and i've prepared lunch.

he left soon after.

and my whole house is quiet.

i dont know where im heading to.

i just feel lost la.

some bastard must be laughing at me now.

i had my last laugh.

i never felt so fucked up.

funny on how my life worked.

how much i've changed.

how much i cant be bothered about things.

army really teaches you how to ADAPT.

19th December 2008 would be the day i know my new unit.

*prays hard.

i find that things might be fine on the outside, BUT

its different on the inside.

why cant i have what i want?

why god is unfair at times?

i wanna feel contented.

i wanna feel myself.

i feel fucking different now.

and it all started from that day.

fuck, i didnt manage to run my 6km today.

knocked out.

maybe, alcohol helps.

2008-12-07T09:23:00.000+08:00

this post is dedicated to this one guy in my platoon.

he's one of the guys from other section that im kinda close to.

he's none other than YUAN ZHI.

or many others also known him as the veggie boy.

yes, yes, he's vegetarian. cute right! lol.

he's from section one.

one of the first few I/C.

thinks he's better than me.

though most of the time, not la. =] *winks.

oh! he has a very bad temper.

but i dont care actually.

because the actually fact, he wont get angry with me.

because im the best remember?

oh! he's the also the main motivation for me to pass my fucking IPPT.

and he always make me jealous with his pull ups.

always like to bully me.

but then again, he run like a snail.

thinking he can overtake me. =p

try harder next time k.

he's the first platoon mate i went out with to shop with.

and he's bitchy too.

and he's from band.

and play some very weird instrument. (actually i forgot the name)

fine! he's just good to me la. =]

dont fall out on the 24km graduation route march.

i want to see you at the end point.

graduate with me.

and of course, all the best.

2008-12-06T16:17:00.003+08:00

back from tekong and another week just passed.

felt so fast.

the entire week was Graduation Parade Rehearsal.

and honestly, standing under the hot sun is damn irritating.

im seriously not prepared for my 24km graduation route march.

i so dont wanna fall out and be a sore loser.

that feeling is fucked up.

and being the last row and being the first row(after turning for march pass)

is damn honorable can!

enough of that.

damn shagged.

but before i go off,

this is my peer appraisal for my bunk mates that i promised.

my personal view and its from the starting of BMT till the POP. =]

Number is according to bed number.

Ulysses Company Platoon 4, Section 2.

1. Zhi Wei.

this bloody person is my platoon best. the first time, he wasnt that talkative. and he was pretty much reserved. AND he kept saying his dick was small. HAHA. k, not funny. from being a fucking zero fighter to a SILVER in IPPT and a fucker when it comes to running because he won me in 2.4km! cb! nabei! he improved tremendously in physical aspect and became much more outspoken. Platoon I/C during field-camp and obviously the "shag cannot think attitude" didnt kick in which was a real good thing. I expect him to be in OCS. it does seem that my bitchyness influenced him too. so he's kinda bitchy sometimes. ya la, thanks to me la. he has the leadership qualities for sure. and yea, he's a lame person too. damn funny at times too. and yes, he bathes when he has the time for sure. he's in the ARM SQUAD ( ppl who are incharge of the rifles ) / Drill Squad (Games Day). Section 2's 2IC( 2nd In-charge)

2. Cedric Tay.

this is my best friend forever. this whore is the first guy i talked to. and yes, he popped the question. not the proposal la. but to be his toilet buddy which until now, we nvr went to the toilet tgt at night. HAHA. funny on how he asked. this person was quiet and everything but things changed when we got to know each other better. he's a pest sometimes but i let him live on me. because he's fun to be with and has the OCS printed on him. he loves to bitch and of course he's the vice president. funny funny him. oh! he is the Key I/C for my platoon and Section I/C. and he's done his responsibilities as Platoon I/C too.

3. Afizzul.

THE BEST LA. BARRACK DAMAGE I/C, 2IC KEY IC, PLATOON I/C. BAISED VIEW LA.

4. Alvin Tan.

My buddy. Blur Cock during the first few weeks. BUT in the end he's the baby and the joker in my bunk. he smiles alot and need to be reminded on what to bring. hardcore wrestler and football watcher. and he's very helpful. he's dad is a freaking commando. and he gets bullied sometimes la. he's the real happy go lucky boy. and having him as my buddy during field camp was fun and yet endurance for my temper tolerance. hahaha.

6. Charlie Chia.

FUNNY. Platoon I/C during field camp also. Bully me a lot. and always counter me with his stupidity. NABEI. he's great to be around with. makes everyone around him cheery. he's quite reserved during the first few weeks too. helpful and has initiative for sure. he's the ARM SQUAD too. and he has the OCS printed on his ASS. =]

AND YES, he LOST ALOT OF WEIGHT and from a zero fighter to a SILVER IPPT. =] congrats to you.

7. DeZhang.

MR DIVA. =] hygiene freak yet so messy. forgetful person who tries hard to rmb. good effort la. lol. wants to get to OCS. he's the ARM SQUAD I/C. he adapts to stress quite well and i was pretty impressed. though he got scolded by me a couple of times for being so forgetful and poor time management. and yes, he's the guy who got chicken pox. and we missed him for 2 weeks and hope he got better. all were smiles when he reported back to the bunk. he's a real funny person in my bunk and you wouldnt have guessed he was 22years old. HAHA. he's previously from dragonboat and he's the only one in my bunk who can do over 15 pull ups but cant jump at all. time to go plastic surgery to install springs on your leg la. OH! train up on your running pls! dont be over confident to overtake me next time! lol.

8. Deepan.

The indian guy in my bunk. the funny asshole. loves to fuck and he's be assigned by my platoon to be the sergeant major. hahha. he brings the real J in jokes. oh, since the first day, he talks on the phone ALOT.

like everytime you see him during Admin time after RO, he's on the phone and yes, he smokes. he's the only one who smokes in my bunk.

9. Benjamin Kenji Tanaka.

the guy who has a fusion in his heritage and blood. he's a real person you can count on everytime. i thought he was malay when he first stepped into the bunk. GOD. he's fucking japanese alright! hahaa. he's the toilet cleaner for my platoon. and he gets bullied by my bunk often too. especially the irritating cedric. he's from NP! and yea i know, NP produces QUALITY Students. hahhaa. *roll eyes @ Ced.

11. Zhi Yuan.

MR. ATT. B. lol. he's from NP and he's quite helpful. congratulations on your pass for IPPT. oh, he provides music and speakers for my IPOD. thanks buddy! and yes, the radio too. and please stop eating cup noodles. lol.

k. done.

if i skip any numbers means the bed OOT, and posted out alr.

toodles.

(btw, only got 13 bed in my bunk but 12 ppl was enlisted to my bunk, last bed was rocky's)

2008-11-30T11:49:00.003+08:00

a week's update in tekong.

haha.

i've completed my 16km route march.

and yes, i sprained my ankle and i survived.

thanks la, adrian tan yi jia.

and of course my dear buddy, cedric tay.

all along, i didnt care anymore.

the whole route march was alr a shagging one.

and i couldnt be bothered more about anything else.

the next one would be the IPPT.

i've passed. =]

sometimes, i wonder why i strive so hard.

who am i suppose to prove to?

my pride is starting to take over sometimes.

how can i ever throw that away.

oh!

we had recruit's afternoon on friday!

and the whole company did an imitation of their sergeants.

AND

IT WAS DAMN FUNNY!

my sergeants were laughing their asses for sure.

because very embarrassed.

funny stuff.

and yea, i booked out on friday.

sorry william,

not able to accompany you to town.

too tired.

went for love amplified concert with jorgey,bernard,ernest and calvin.

thanks for the ticket jorge.

and before that, i was shopping around with yuan zhi in bugis.

funny stuff la.

all those gossips and everything.

i took notice of smth.

even when u are a good person and just once you did smth wrong,

everyone around will just remember that one wrong thing you did.

how things work, impresses me.

and im feeling numb.

thus, just let me go.

i really cant be bothered.

im tired of all the nonsense.

i'll just be there when u need me.

2008-11-23T00:05:00.002+08:00

wont be updating.

some things are still preferred to be left unsaid.

everytime they turn the lights down

just wanna go an extra mile for you

you got my display of affection

feels like no one else in the room

the center of attention

even when im up against the wall

you got me in a crazy position

i can get down like there's no one around

cameras are flashing and im dirty dancing

just keep watching and i'll keep rocking.

you want a piece of me?

2008-11-22T19:07:00.003+08:00

fuck off.

stop being too modest and act as if nothing happened.

2008-11-16T05:01:00.003+08:00

im happy to know i have a chance.

seriously.

to ask is another.

2008-11-11T05:12:00.001+08:00

booking in now.

see you ppl on sat k.

and YES, i like someone.